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Conversion Tables

One of the most difficult things about the US-New Zealand transition is understanding the conversions.  Someday, the rest of the world will wise up and realise that the metric system is a silly fad and will return to the righteous American way.  But until then, here is a handy conversion page.

 

Linguistic Conversions

You might have noticed that I used New Zealand English spelling in the blog.  I’m currently favouring it as a way of giving an exotic flavour to my writings.  Also to prove that Americans are capable of bilingualism.  Here are a few rules of thumb for spelling in the Commonwealth:

1.  Replace all ‘z’s wth ‘s’s.  Eg. globalization->globalisation and realize->realise and mad skillz->mad skills.

2.  Add more ‘u’s.  Just sprinkle them in there after ‘o’s.  Eg. color->colour and favorite->favourite.

3.  And more double consanants.  Eg. canceled->cancelled and traveler->traveller.

4. Switch -er with -re.  Eg. theater->theatre and center->centre.

That’s really all you needd tou knouw aboutt spelling in New Sealand.

 

Currency

New Zealand uses the New Zealand Dollar (NZD) for daily transactions.  The money comes in a range of fun, funky colours to complement any outfit or mood.

And if you want to use it to trade with merchants to goods and services, be sure to check the exchange rate.  It changes hourly.  I believe it’s tied to the Hanukkah gelt standard.

 

Weight

Weight is measured in kilograms here, which is nice because when I step on a scale I seem much svelter than I did when weighed in pounds.  To avoid knowing how much I actually weigh, I never learned the conversion formula.  Instead, I use these rules of thumb:

1kg= 1 pineapple or 1 MLB baseball bat

5kg= 30 magazines

10 kg= slightly more than a full grown raccoon

Any other weights can be measured in multiple raccoons or fractions of pineapples.  It’s the metric system so it’s easy to do fractions.

 

Distance

Distance, while technically measured in kilometres, is largely irrelevant in New Zealand.  The roads here are narrow and winding, so it’s not like knowing distance as the crow flies (FACT: crows always fly in perfectly straight lines) is of any use.  Instead:

Driving from the east coast to the west coast of the South Island takes the same amount of time as it takes to fully cook a 12lb turkey.

The distance to the ocean from any point of the country is an average of twenty paces.

 

Temperature

Temperature conversions are futile: by the time you figure it out, it’s changed. 

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